admin
05-06-2009, 06:03 PM
The father of psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud wrestled with million dollar question -- what do women want — all his life and failed to arrive at a suitable answer that may have eased at least one of mankind's many worries.
Contemporary times are even more confusing, with most women perplexed with the question of what men want. Women have chosen to assume many roles which has left men teetering on the brink, tiredly moving on the conveyor belt of one date after another, or worse, "seeing" one girl after another.
The essential question then is what do men want? A close observation of their dating patterns has revealed that the following are the types they are not likely to commit to in a hurry:
THE PLANNER
http://cms.mumbaimirror.com/portalfiles/1/9/200801/Image/100108/u1.jpg
She has been clear of her objective in life from the time she turned 12: she would meet the right chap at 23, date him for no more than a year, get engaged to him and have a year-long engagement (time enough to let her prepare for Kodak-moments strewn wedding soon); get married by 26 and have a baby by 28. If the wedding is to too close to the baby-bearing deadline, they'd go ahead and have a honeymoon baby.
Picture perfect. So why is this perfection so irksome to the man?
Simple. She has her life well mapped out. Not his. In her endeavour to make a full life for herself by 28, she worries too much about the package he represents (money, homes, holidays, rocks, exclusive couture shopping et al) and not the real man. That's worrisome for him: he is not a mere provider.
Chill pill: Loosen up and lose the list. Get to know your date better, try to integrate within his group and include him into yours as well. Throw the idea of commitment to the winds and just go with the flow; enjoy the kick of not knowing what the tide might bring.
THE DARK LADY
http://cms.mumbaimirror.com/portalfiles/1/9/200801/Image/100108/u2.jpg
She is carting around a hurt from the past. It may have cut deep and she is not over it completely. Although she is friendly with everyone around her and projects a sunny disposition, she has erected a strong protective wall inwardly. She will not emerge from this shell as she is wary to giving too much of herself away. She is afraid of trusting the man of the moment completely. But she loves him all the way for sure.
Problem is, he needs to know in more ways than one. And he needs to be needed as well. Which is why it's ok to let go. What's more, he feels deprived as he feels that he is kept waiting on the sidelines. He will wait and wait and then eventually leave.
Chill pill: Learn to heal. It takes time, but it is possible. One way of achieving this is by ensuring that your job (assuming you have one) is fulfilling. Ensure that you are surrounded by friends and family that provide succor for the soul. That way you will come across people you will be able to trust once again. By the end of it, you will gain a positive attitude towards life. And once there, anything can happen.
YES, LORD AND MASTER
This one betters the pervious lot. She is so focused on pleasing her man that she has lost her own sense of self. Men who like the butter-wouldn' t-melt-in- your-mouth types would warm up to such girls, but their interest would not hold for more that three dates. Where is the passion, where is the fun? A relationship without any conflict or tension is a dud. He is looking for a life partner; not a secretary. You of course give him all the hope of a hearty twosome with a chair.
http://cms.mumbaimirror.com/portalfiles/1/9/200801/Image/100108/u3.jpg
When he envisions the future with you he sees red flags at every turn. For you may have assumed "Savitri" as your middle name, he simply translates it as boring. Most women have an over-riding natural maternal instinct. But not every man is searching for his mother in his future wife. And you would be lucky if your prospective mate is one of them.
Chill pill: Your task at hand is very easy really — stand your ground firmly. Don't worry about getting into small tiffs. Get out of your self-created contented zone. Think of it this way — a heated argument will bring a spot of natural red to your face. And that's when he'll know that he is with a woman who has beauty and brains.
LOVE FOR THEATRICS
http://cms.mumbaimirror.com/portalfiles/1/9/200801/Image/100108/u4.jpg
She is the product of the afternoon soap-opera generation. She was 12 when the saans-bahu serials scourged our lives and by 20 she fully imbibed Kumkum and Katrina Kaif's penchant for theatrics in their respective screen lives.
We are Indian and we love to be emotional — over the spilt mustard on the t-shirt at McDonald's, over mascara running down the cheeks in the course of a weepy film, accidentally running into your next door neighbour across the street, on seeing your ex-boyfriend on Orkut.
He doesn't want you because you are exhausting.
Chill pill: You are a simple girl, really. But your problem is this — the biggest challenge in your life up until now has been attempting to make a choice between 20 ice-cream flavours for yourself. You have had no real concerns. And have hardly interacted with any interesting people. Time to remedy that. It will help you keep the lid on most trivialities of life.
WORK, WORK, WORK
http://cms.mumbaimirror.com/portalfiles/1/9/200801/Image/100108/u5.jpg
She was almost birthed on an office desk! She is a career woman. She wears Prada and they think that she is a ***** from hell. She works hard and believes in playing harder. She has everything going for her and cannot fathom why she is always kept out in the cold when it comes to come to men.
She does not know this because she does not see flaw in picking up business calls in the course of a date, working on her story-board through what was planned to be a romantic weekend.
Scratch deeper and you will find that while she is sure of herself in the workspace, she isn't quite there when it comes to dealing or developing personal relationships.
Just count the number of times she has used work as an excuse not to slip out for a quick coffee or ***ch. She does that not because she is bushed but because she is unsure of herself outside the familiarity of her workstation.
Obviously, he can't hold out forever.
Chill pill: Learn to relax. Your independent streak is very attractive, but that's just the first milestone achieved. For the rest, you need to give some of yourself and learn to play multiple interesting roles a woman is wont to in modern times: boss, friend, girlfriend, lover, confidante, wife, mother.
Contemporary times are even more confusing, with most women perplexed with the question of what men want. Women have chosen to assume many roles which has left men teetering on the brink, tiredly moving on the conveyor belt of one date after another, or worse, "seeing" one girl after another.
The essential question then is what do men want? A close observation of their dating patterns has revealed that the following are the types they are not likely to commit to in a hurry:
THE PLANNER
http://cms.mumbaimirror.com/portalfiles/1/9/200801/Image/100108/u1.jpg
She has been clear of her objective in life from the time she turned 12: she would meet the right chap at 23, date him for no more than a year, get engaged to him and have a year-long engagement (time enough to let her prepare for Kodak-moments strewn wedding soon); get married by 26 and have a baby by 28. If the wedding is to too close to the baby-bearing deadline, they'd go ahead and have a honeymoon baby.
Picture perfect. So why is this perfection so irksome to the man?
Simple. She has her life well mapped out. Not his. In her endeavour to make a full life for herself by 28, she worries too much about the package he represents (money, homes, holidays, rocks, exclusive couture shopping et al) and not the real man. That's worrisome for him: he is not a mere provider.
Chill pill: Loosen up and lose the list. Get to know your date better, try to integrate within his group and include him into yours as well. Throw the idea of commitment to the winds and just go with the flow; enjoy the kick of not knowing what the tide might bring.
THE DARK LADY
http://cms.mumbaimirror.com/portalfiles/1/9/200801/Image/100108/u2.jpg
She is carting around a hurt from the past. It may have cut deep and she is not over it completely. Although she is friendly with everyone around her and projects a sunny disposition, she has erected a strong protective wall inwardly. She will not emerge from this shell as she is wary to giving too much of herself away. She is afraid of trusting the man of the moment completely. But she loves him all the way for sure.
Problem is, he needs to know in more ways than one. And he needs to be needed as well. Which is why it's ok to let go. What's more, he feels deprived as he feels that he is kept waiting on the sidelines. He will wait and wait and then eventually leave.
Chill pill: Learn to heal. It takes time, but it is possible. One way of achieving this is by ensuring that your job (assuming you have one) is fulfilling. Ensure that you are surrounded by friends and family that provide succor for the soul. That way you will come across people you will be able to trust once again. By the end of it, you will gain a positive attitude towards life. And once there, anything can happen.
YES, LORD AND MASTER
This one betters the pervious lot. She is so focused on pleasing her man that she has lost her own sense of self. Men who like the butter-wouldn' t-melt-in- your-mouth types would warm up to such girls, but their interest would not hold for more that three dates. Where is the passion, where is the fun? A relationship without any conflict or tension is a dud. He is looking for a life partner; not a secretary. You of course give him all the hope of a hearty twosome with a chair.
http://cms.mumbaimirror.com/portalfiles/1/9/200801/Image/100108/u3.jpg
When he envisions the future with you he sees red flags at every turn. For you may have assumed "Savitri" as your middle name, he simply translates it as boring. Most women have an over-riding natural maternal instinct. But not every man is searching for his mother in his future wife. And you would be lucky if your prospective mate is one of them.
Chill pill: Your task at hand is very easy really — stand your ground firmly. Don't worry about getting into small tiffs. Get out of your self-created contented zone. Think of it this way — a heated argument will bring a spot of natural red to your face. And that's when he'll know that he is with a woman who has beauty and brains.
LOVE FOR THEATRICS
http://cms.mumbaimirror.com/portalfiles/1/9/200801/Image/100108/u4.jpg
She is the product of the afternoon soap-opera generation. She was 12 when the saans-bahu serials scourged our lives and by 20 she fully imbibed Kumkum and Katrina Kaif's penchant for theatrics in their respective screen lives.
We are Indian and we love to be emotional — over the spilt mustard on the t-shirt at McDonald's, over mascara running down the cheeks in the course of a weepy film, accidentally running into your next door neighbour across the street, on seeing your ex-boyfriend on Orkut.
He doesn't want you because you are exhausting.
Chill pill: You are a simple girl, really. But your problem is this — the biggest challenge in your life up until now has been attempting to make a choice between 20 ice-cream flavours for yourself. You have had no real concerns. And have hardly interacted with any interesting people. Time to remedy that. It will help you keep the lid on most trivialities of life.
WORK, WORK, WORK
http://cms.mumbaimirror.com/portalfiles/1/9/200801/Image/100108/u5.jpg
She was almost birthed on an office desk! She is a career woman. She wears Prada and they think that she is a ***** from hell. She works hard and believes in playing harder. She has everything going for her and cannot fathom why she is always kept out in the cold when it comes to come to men.
She does not know this because she does not see flaw in picking up business calls in the course of a date, working on her story-board through what was planned to be a romantic weekend.
Scratch deeper and you will find that while she is sure of herself in the workspace, she isn't quite there when it comes to dealing or developing personal relationships.
Just count the number of times she has used work as an excuse not to slip out for a quick coffee or ***ch. She does that not because she is bushed but because she is unsure of herself outside the familiarity of her workstation.
Obviously, he can't hold out forever.
Chill pill: Learn to relax. Your independent streak is very attractive, but that's just the first milestone achieved. For the rest, you need to give some of yourself and learn to play multiple interesting roles a woman is wont to in modern times: boss, friend, girlfriend, lover, confidante, wife, mother.